Cerita Lucu : Kumpulan Cerita Terlucu Seri 4

Wwkkwkwkwk... ceritanya lucu2 banget sobat, ok ga pakai basa-basi lagi silahkan menikmati cerita lucu kali ini dalam kelompok : Kumpulan Cerita Terlucu Seri 4

Cerita Lucu 1 : Kalau Bumi Penuh Mau Pindah ke Planet Mana

Dalam diskusi di N.A.S.A. Amerika Serikat,ada 3 negara diundang untuk mengambil
dan mencari solusi agar manusia bisa tinggal di planet lain selain bumi yang
makin padat ini. Mereka itu berasal dari negara Amerika Serikat, Inggris dan
Indonesia.

Saat itu di depan para juri yang menilai usul masing-masing, dan begini usul
mereka bertiga saat diskusi:

Amerika: “Kami mengusulkan pindah ke Bulan atau Mars saja.”
Juri: “Tapi kami belum melihat kehidupan disana saat ini.”

Inggris: “Kami usul pindah ke planet Venus, pasti lebih oke.”
Juri: “Kami perlu waktu dan penyelidikan lagi untuk itu.”

Indonesia: “Kami cuma usul jika kita dipindahkan ke PLANET SENEN saja, dan di
sana ada pentas musik dangdut live, stasiun Kereta Api, Supermarket Matahari,
Hok Ben, Mc Donald, Pizza Hut dan banyak yang lainnya. Dijamin tidak akan
sengsara selama-lamanya apabila kita semua tinggal di sana.”
Juri: “Good… good… good, usul anda sangat baik dan bagus.”

Indonesia: “Hidup Indonesia…3x!!!”

Cerita Lucu 2 : Wawancara Kerja: Apa yang Paling Cepat?

Seorang manager HRD sedang menyaring pelamar untuk satu lowongan di kantornya.
Setelah membaca seluruh berkas lamaran yang masuk, dia menemukan 4 orang calon
yang cocok. Dia memutuskan memanggil ke-4 orang itu dan menanyakan 1 pertanyaan
saja. Jawaban mereka akan menjadi penentu apakah akan diterima atau tidak.

Harinya tiba dan ke-4 orang itu sudah duduk rapi di ruangan interview. Si
Manager lalu mengajukan 1 pertanyaan: setahu Anda, apa yang bergerak paling
cepat?

Kandidat I menjawab, “PIKIRAN. Dia muncul begitu saja di dalam kepala, tanpa
peringatan, tanpa ancang-ancang. Tiba-tiba saja dia sudah ada. Pikiran adalah
yang bergerak paling cepat yang saya tahu.”

“Jawaban yang sangat bagus”, sahut si Manager. “Kalau menurut Anda?”, tanyanya
ke kandidat II.

“Hm… KEJAPAN MATA! Datangnya tidak bisa diperkirakan, dan tanpa kita sadari mata
kita sudah berkejap. Kejapan mata adalah yang bergerak paling cepat kalau
menurut saya.” Continue reading →

Cerita Lucu 3 : Rahasia Umur Sapi, Monyet, Anjing, dan Manusia

Di awal zaman, Tuhan menciptakan seekor sapi. Tuhan berkata kepada sang sapi.
Hari ini kuciptakan kau sebagai sapi, engkau harus pergi ke padang rumput. Kau
harus bekerja di bawah terik matahari sepanjang hari. Kutetapkan umurmu sekitar
50 tahun. Sang Sapi keberatan. Kehidupanku akan sangat berat selama 50 tahun.
Kiranya 20 tahun cukuplah buatku. Kukembalikan kepadamu yang 30 tahun. Maka
setujulah Tuhan.

Di hari kedua, Tuhan menciptakan monyet. Hai monyet, hiburlah manusia. Aku
berikan kau umur 20 tahun! Sang monyet menjawab “What? Menghibur mereka dan
membuat mereka tertawa? 10 tahun cukuplah. Kukembalikan 10 tahun padamu.” Maka
setujulah Tuhan.

Di hari ketiga, Tuhan menciptakan anjing. Apa yang harus kau lakukan adalah
menjaga pintu rumah majikanmu. Setiap orang mendekat kau harus menggongongnya.
Untuk itu kuberikan hidupmu selama 20 tahun. Sang anjing menolak: “Menjaga pintu
sepanjang hari selama 20 tahun? No way! Kukembalikan 10 tahun padamu”. Maka
setujulah Tuhan. Continue reading →

Cerita Lucu 4 : Short Jokes (Part 5)

I’m getting married next Friday, sir. Can I have the day off?
Married! No women would marry you unless she was mad! Who are you marrying?
Your daughter.

————

It was a very hot afternoon and David was having trouble keeping his eyes open.
David, wake up, you can’t sleep in class, shouted the teacher.
David lifted his head from his desk and said:
Well, sir, if you didn’t talk so loudly, I’m sure I would be able to!

————

If my brothers don’t leave home soon, I’ll have to look for somewhere else to
stay. One has six cats; another has four dogs; and my youngest brother has three
pigs!
So what’s the problem?
We all live in one room and the smell is terrible.
Why don’t you open the window?
What! And lose all my pigeons? Continue reading →

Cerita Lucu 5 : Short Jokes (Part 4)

Mary was meeting her friend, Sheila, who was an incredibly mean person.
How are things with you?
I’m short of cash at the moment. If only I had ten dollars for every man who
asked me to marry him.
Yes, then you just might be able to pay for your own coffee.

————

I’d like 100 grams of acetysalicyclic acid in tablet form, please.
You mean, said the chemist, you’d like some aspirins, sir?
That’s right. I can never remember the name.

————

If only I had been born two thousand years ago.
Why son?
Because there would not be so much history to learn

————

I wish you would stop playing that trumpet. I think I’m going mad!
I stopped playing half an hour ago, dad! Continue reading →


Cerita Lucu 6 : Short Jokes (Part 3)



Men, I’m sorry to tell you that Corporal Wright was killed by a tiger on a
jungle path last night because he didn’t think quickly enough. Private Smith, if
you had been in the Corporal’s shoes, what steps would you have taken?
Great big ones, sir!

————

A man paid $1000 for a dog that could talk. He took it to a friend and said, “Look
at this. I have a dog that talks.”
“Don’t be stupid”, his friend said. “I’ll bet you $30 it can’t talk.”
The dog said nothing and the man had to pay his friend $30. He was furious.
“Why didn’t you say something, you stupid animal? If you had said something, I
would have won $30.”
“Not so stupid”, said the dog. “Just think of the money you’ll win next time.”

————

When we arrived at the airport this morning, there was a man running up and down
shouting. “Take a bus, take a train but don’t take a plane. It’s wrong to fly.
If God had meant people to fly, he would have given them wings.”
Who was the man?
Our pilot! Continue reading →

Cerita Lucu 7 : BBM Naik Lagi Rakyat Miskin Pasti Berkurang..

Analisis Prof. Ucup tentang Kenaikan Harga BBM

Ada yang punya analisis dan menyimpulkan bahwa kenaikan Harga BBM dapat
mengakibatkan jumlah rakyat miskin turun…?!

Kaya’ yang dibilang LPEM-UI bahwa adanya korelasi kenaikan BBM dengan penurunan
rakyat miskin. Kenaikan BBM sebesar 10% dapat menurunkan jumlah rakyat miskin
sampe 14%.

Jadi, penurunan jumlah rakyat miskin ini bisa mencapai 100%, apabila kenaikan
BBM tersebut mencapai 100%.

Analisisnya adalah sebagai berikut:
Harga BBM naik – tadinya rakyat miskin yang naik bis, sekarang jadi jalan kaki…
terus di jalan ketabrak metromini yang ngebut karena nguber setoran (gara-gara
BBM-nya naik), terus mati… – RAKYAT MISKIN BERKURANG

Tadinya rakyat miskin makan sehari 1x, terus jadi makan 1x tapi buat 3 hari (karena
daya belinya turun)… lama-lama mati kelaparan… – RAKYAT MISKIN BERKURANG
Continue reading →

Cerita Lucu 8 : Short Jokes (Part 2)

ply

If you had 20 apples in your right hand and 30 in your left, what would you have?
Sore arms.

————

A doctor asked three men what they would do if he told them they only had one
month left to live.
I would stop work, live quietly, and prepare to die, replied the first man.
I would take all my money out of the bank and spend it, said the second man.
I would get a second opinion, said the third man.

————

Spell blind bird.
b-l-i-n-d-b-i-r-d
Wrong. It’s b-l-n-d b-r-d because if it had two i’s, it would not be blind!

————

What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Polish them. Continue reading →

Cerita Lucu 9 : Short Jokes (Part 1) 

A famous film director was shouting at a group of actors. The company doctor
said, “If you shout all the time, you’ll get an ulcer.”
The director look at the doctor and replied, “I don’t get ulcers, I give them.”

———–

Anne, why do doctors wear masks when they operate?
So that nobody will recognize them if anything wrong goes.

———–

I want to live to a very old age.
That’s easy. If you eat an apple every day for 1200 months, you’ll live to be
100 years old.

———–

The diamond necklace looks wonderful on you, madam.
Yes, it does, doesn’t it? But if my husband doesn’t like it, will you refuse to
take it back? Continue reading →

Cerita Lucu 10 : Ah Beng Stories

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, ‘My MobileNo. Has
changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610′

====================================

Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in MedicalCollege.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

====================================

Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
Doctor: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

====================================

Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I’ll also stay with your sister. Continue reading →



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